Miscellaneous

I have anxiety. 

One definition of anxiety is: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. The Psychiatry definition of anxiety is: a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

I have been diagnosed… with anxiety. 

I have dealt with this disorder my entire life, and I have no idea what it means or what it’s like to live a normal life. 

One of the things I have problems with is worrying. When I looked up the word anxiety, I also looked up the word worry. Which, is defined as to: give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles. Or: a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems. 

These definitions for both anxiety and worry describe me and my everyday life. It describes what I have been fighting all my life. 

A few months ago I decided to start therapy because of some thoughts and feelings I was having. Plus, everyday life was just getting to hard to handle. I honestly was getting frustrated that family and friends would tell me that I just needed to stop worrying and thinking the thoughts that I would think. But family and friends also didn’t know the extent of my mental illness. I would always tell those who told me to stop, that if I could, I WOULD! I highly doubt anyone would want to live like this day in and day out.

I worry about everything and everyone. I worry about my husband, my son and his little family. I worry about work, my husbands work, home and the many things that need to be done around the house. I worry about finances, my son and his family’s finances. I worry about my health. My husbands health. And, you guessed it, other loved ones’ health. I worry about today, tomorrow and the future. I worry about how I present myself and what others will think. I worry about how my family presents themselves. I think the list can go on but I have a feeling you probably get the idea. 

The thing is, these are my thoughts every single day! Some days are better than others. Some days something can trigger all these thoughts to come to my mind. All at once. It’s exhausting. It’s hard to go to sleep, let alone stay asleep when things are bad. 

When I started to understand why people who struggle with mental illness commit suicide… I figured it was time to seek help. Now, I personally would not choose to end my life. I have so many blessings in my life and there would be so much heartache for my loved ones.

But, I just get tired. 

So, I understand that those who choose suicide might just be tired and exhauted about their struggles. It may end your own pain, but it doesn’t end your loved ones pain.

Back to the therapy thing.

My therapy is helping so far. I have taken baby steps and still have a long way to go. I just want to be healthy and happy for me and my family. I want to be around and see my family grow. I want my family to have good memories of me and not ones of sadness. 

Me sharing my journey of my mental illness is giving me anxiety. I worry about people judging me. But, I have talked to my husband about how sharing could help others in their journey. And I’m sure I can learn from others who have been there. It gives me comfort to know that there are others who struggle and I’m not the only one.

You’re not the only one!

I’m not the only one!

We’re all in this… together.

You’ve probably been asked that question before. Or, maybe something similar to it. I know I have. More than once. And, lately, I’ve given some time to really think about it.

It’s a fact of life. Death. We are ALL going to go at some point. There is absolutely no way to avoid it.

As I’ve spent the last few months pondering on this question, I’ve noticed something of those that are older than me. Actually, maybe a few things.

They’ve accepted it. The other thing is that they don’t focus on the end, but rather the here and now.

It isn’t something I feel that very many people my age understand quite yet. Maybe I’m just blind to it, but it sure seems that the majority of people are focused on the material things of the world instead of the things that matter the most.

Time. Memories. Moments. Whichever one you want to think of it as they all have the same central concept. They are the things that won’t fade away. That fancy car you drive? It will eventually rust and wither away into nothing. That house? With just one strong gust of wind, it can be transformed into a pile of rubble. Clothes? Shoes? Jewelry? All of it won’t mean a damn thing at the end of time for you.

When you’re sitting at the end of your life, you’re likely going to think of the people that have come and gone from your life. You’re likely to think about all the time you wasted.

So, ask yourself the question…

If you knew you would die tomorrow, what would you change today?

Would you apologize to someone?

Would you smile bigger?

Would you be thankful for each breath you took?

Would you pick your words more carefully?

Why wait until that day comes? We don’t know when it will happen. We just know it will. Make the change now!

Skillet’s frontman John Cooper recently asked a very interesting question in which he responded in a lengthy Facebook post. He simply asked, “What in God’s name is happening in Christianity?”

Ok I’m saying it. Because it’s too important not to. What is happening in Christianity? More and more of our outspoken…

Posted by John L. Cooper on Tuesday, August 13, 2019

The question and post were in response to the news of former Hillsong worship leader Marty Sampson announced his faith is “on incredibly shaky ground.”

The short answer is that there isn’t anything wrong with Christianity at all. The problem lies in that there are people out there with a holier-than-thou attitude. Silently blasting someone who is looking inward and asking themselves very difficult questions regarding their faith should be celebrated. Not pointed at and said that they are the problem. 

In one sentence, Cooper said that he wasn’t judging anyone. In the next, he was saying that people should just be quiet and accept the ‘truth’ as it is. Personally, I have an issue with a few things Cooper said.

Before we take this any further, admittedly, I’ve done a great deal of introspection over the last few years. 

If anything, Cooper should applaud Sampson looking inward and evaluating whether he’s being true or not. 

Now, let’s circle back around to the main issue here. Cooper asked, “What is happening in Christianity?” 

The answer is simple: nothing different than has been happening since its inception. Christianity is the same today as it was yesterday and will continue to be the same tomorrow.

The problem is the people. 

People get ridiculed when they step back and look at themselves. They get told they’re being selfish. They get shunned. They get rejected. 

Truth be told, whether some people want to admit it or not, we ALL go through a time or two where we evaluate who we are. 

Far too many people today are lying to themselves about who they are in order to conform to the pressures of the happenings going on around them and in the world.

The word therapy tends to take on a negative connotation. I’m not sure why. Could it be that we live in a world driven by likes and retweets on social media posts that only show the edited-best of oneself? Or could it just be that people tend to think therapy is reserved for only the craziest of crazy people?

I’d like to flip that for just a second! And, in doing so, it has really helped me shape a change in my thinking about what therapy is and just how healthy it is.

Let’s first take a short second to touch on what therapy is. Before you think I’m going to get all psycho-medical-geek on defining it, know that I’m not a medical professional of any sorts. I want to water it down so far that it takes on an over-generalizing meaning. So, here goes:

THERAPY is TREATMENT.

Simple and quick to the point! Again, in the broad sense of it, therapy is whatever form of treatment that works for YOU and you only. There are a lot of ways to go about therapy. Sure, you can go see a professional counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Heck, if you’re one of those types that talks to your animals – guilty of this myself – and that works, well, that works too.

What I’m trying to get at here is that who you see or what you do, just do something. Therapy isn’t only for crazy people! It’s for everyone. Myself included!

So, what do I do? I have found that I require a few different forms of therapy in my life to function at my best. If any one of these things gets out of alignment, I can almost set a countdown to the inevitable onslaught of feelings of anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other things.

I’ve always been a creative person. Even as a young kid, I was always creating! One of the stories that still brings about a smile is when I was only a few years old while attending day-care. I made friends with a little boy named Schaffer Stevenson, and we would always find ourselves living in our own little world. (Maybe this is why I feel so connected to the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip?)

Another form of therapy for me is art. I’m NO artist by any means! But, I don’t care. I still like to create art. I like to draw and paint. Painting is something I’ve just discovered I enjoy doing. As a matter of fact, the image used above is one of my recent paintings as is this one:

Weights. Usually my go-to when it comes to self-therapy. I lift weights daily. Sure, there are times where my body says to take a day off. And I listen. I’ve learned to listen to my body when it says it needs to rest. This has been one of the biggest takeaways from lifting weights; listen to your body. Doing so will help you know more about yourself than anything else you can do.

Lastly, people. Most importantly is my wife. I need her. She is an immense help to the balance and stability I need in my life. I’ll admit that I’m a bit of a hermit. I’m okay with being alone. I don’t need a lot of people around me. I don’t do well around certain people or certain types of people for that matter. However, there are those who help bring about the best in me. They are in a way, therapy for me.

Let me circle back around to the idea that therapy is healthy. It really is, and shame on anyone who tries to tell you you’re crazy for doing therapy. Remember, therapy in its simplest definition is treatment. There a many different ways to go about therapy. Find what works for you and do that.

“Nobody makes it through life without collecting a few scars on the way out.” – Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck pic.twitter.com/J3JgmzPV6p

— The Stafford Voice (@staffordvoice) August 3, 2019

Call it whatever you want. The good and the bad. The ups and downs. The highs and lows. It really doesn’t matter. But, we all go through them.

And you know what? There really isn’t anything we can do about it.

The other day, we were out on date night or something and we were talking about some of the things we were each sorting out in our heads. Or at least trying to. I think we were doing more harm than good.

You see, the more we spend thinking and dwelling on things, the worse off they can be. We become our own worst enemies.

Social media doesn’t seem to be helping. It, too, does more harm than good!

It seems everyone uses social media as a highlight reel. Everything on the surface looks perfect. The kids look behaved. Marriages look like fairy tales. Cars. Fitness. Vacations. Whatever it is, it just looks better than whatever we’ve got. Don’t fib yourself. It’s what you’re thinking as you scroll through. Inside you’re shaking your head in agreement.

Know what else you’re probably thinking? I’m not worth it.

We ALL think this at some point. Some of us, myself included, go through it more often than we want to accept.

Now, let’s get real for a second. The majority of us, if not everyone, at some point thinks about suicide. This is actually one of the things we were talking about.

We were discussing how easy it is to fall to these lows, and how much harder it is to get out of them. We talked about how easy it is to accept suicide as a way to end it.

I’m not advocating suicide as a way to end your problems. If you are suicidal, PLEASE, I plead with you to seek help. If you think someone is suicidal, reach out to them and for them.

It was a deep conversation at the time, and one that should never be taken lightly. Just know that for many people, it is something that is talked about and thought about.

The advent of social media is putting a lot of undue stress, pressure, anxiety, and depression on people.

We have to accept that our highs will come with lows. And, when we are going through lows, there will be highs again. It’s extremely easy to feel like there isn’t anything you or anyone else can do to help.

Understand this: You’re not alone!

Did the government test the internet kill switch? Or… are we just needing to put on our issued tin foil hats?

Both valid questions to some degree.

However, this isn’t a drill this time. This time it could have been the real thing. We just don’t know.

What we do know? The Google Cloud went down. Wait up just a sec! The Google Cloud? Yep. Wondering what that means exactly? Take a look at this graphic:

Would you just look at all of those services based on this Google Cloud Platform! These are some major sites and services. Twitter. Facebook. Pokemon GO. Shopify. I mean… Just look at it!

If you are wearing your tin foil hat, relax, you can take it off. This isn’t an emergency. I doubt the government flipped a switch.

What you should really be concerned about is the amount of electronics you allow in your life. IF the majority of things in your life are plugged in and can be controlled through the internet, you might need to re-evaluate some things.

During this outage, there were reports of people being locked out of their homes because of Nest-branded smart home products.

I get it. Times are changing and so is the technology that is leading the way. But, there are some things that, even though it may be the latest and greatest iPhone-controlled appliance, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good thing.

We all come to terms with things in our lives. Some people call it a phase. Some call it a mid-life crisis. Whatever you want to refer to it as it’s something big in your life and it will have lasting effects on the rest of your life.

I sure hope that doesn’t come across as deep, but it is what it is.

As I sit down to write this, I’m finding it a real struggle to put things into words.

Late last year, and earlier this year, I shared with you that we were taking a break from The Church. It was a large part of our lives for more than 10 years. In fact, one could argue it was our life. Almost everything in our life was ruled by activities on certain days and nights. We also had to do this, or that, or read and study something coming up. It became somewhat second nature to be ruled by rules.

But for some, it was great. They were doing it because they genuinely believed. Trust me when I say how awesome that is.

What I/we needed to know for ourselves was if we were being genuine. It took us a long time to come to the understanding that we weren’t. So, what were we to do?

Study more! Wait, what? That’s right. When we would ask others we knew what we were thinking or the questions we were contemplating, we were always pointed back to studying it out. The answers were always there. BUT THEY WEREN’T. At least when we went to look.

Now, let me get something straight. When I made mention of asking those we knew… really, the only people we knew were those we went to church with. We didn’t have people in the outside world. They were bad and would lead us astray. At least that’s what we thought. So when I said that our lives were pretty much ruled and dictated by church, I wasn’t stretching the truth. I was being 100% honest. We didn’t, and still don’t for the most part, have friends on the outside.

It struck us while on date night the other night. We were sitting there at a local micro-brewery enjoying a nice non-Mormon brew, we realized we don’t have friends we could share the moment with. Don’t get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with the company between us. After all, isn’t that the point of going on date nights? But I digress.

Fast-forward to this morning as I was getting ready for the day, a phrase popped into my head. Recovering Mormon. Just two little words. They hit me like a load of bricks. All day I tried to dismiss the thought. But, I’ve come to understand when you can’t get something out of your head, you need to dive into it. What is it? Where did it come from? And, why am I thinking about this? All of which are valid questions. So that’s what I did. I dove right on into my wee little brain and asked myself these questions.

Did I get all the answers I was looking for? That’s between me and myself.

What I will say is a simple Google search for the phrase “Recovering Mormon” will potentially be an eye-opening experience. One thing I’ll admit to learning is that there are subReddits for anything and everything. Yes, even for those recovering Mormons out there.

What does all of this have with where we started?

Let’s just sum it up by saying it’s time to make a move and move on.

Just what kind of effect has social media and reality TV played on our lives? Scientifically, I cannot answer that. I’m sure there are plenty of incredible studies out there with pretty pie charts showing just how bad or good they’ve been. But… that’s not what you’re going to get here.

Now, I completely understand you the high likelihood you probably came here by way of social media. Maybe it was a Facebook post? Or a twitter post? I don’t really know. I do find it ironic to write about the toxicity of social media and reality TV knowing you probably used one of those platforms to get here.

So, why make a somewhat bold statement? Well… since you asked.

I was listening to the Hands and Daylight podcast the other day and they had Dakota Meyer on as a guest. He made a few statements that brought some clarity to this particular topic that I just had yet to put into words.

Dakota had first made mention that many of societies problem today point back to MTV’s original reality show called The Real World. And then, he began talking about how social media gives people the illusion that there are filters in life.

I think we can all agree with him in that there are NO life filters.

I’d like to expand on this idea for just a bit.

Let’s start with The Real World.

At the time of the MTV show, it was both groundbreaking and controversial. Mostly for the same reasons. Sadly, I don’t think the creators and producers of the show realized the impact it would bring. It gave us normal people a look into the lives of others. However candid of a look it was, admittedly, people were drawn to it. Why? Simple. People are nosy!

We want to know what other people do. We want to see how they act behind closed doors. We want to know how other people live their lives. The show was a real-life example of psychology at play.

Now, lest we forget, the show was scripted. Much like the reality shows of today, it’s all scripted. There’s an agenda from the producers to put out a show that brings people back. They want to show drama. They don’t care if people are damaged by the end product. It’s their job to deliver the sale.

By now you’re probably wondering how this plays into social media?

Well… as much as people are nosy, they are followers of observation.

When people see how other people do and act, they imitate. Social media is just a tool for them to do so.

Those filters Dakota Meyer was talking about? Much like Instagram and Snapchat filters can turn bad pictures into works of art, people use these filters in real life. They use them to try and portray something they aren’t.

People go out and rent fancy cars, take a picture, post it on social media, and give the image that they’ve got all their stuff together in life and they’re making millions. The reality is that they are flat broke and don’t honestly have a real job. I’m not saying all of them are that way, but the majority of them are.

Now we get people who follow those people and try and chase a lie. They’ll do whatever they have to do now to get there in life. Beg, borrow, or steal. People just don’t care. They want what they want and will do almost anything to get it.

People also tend to forget that there’s a real person on the other end of heir social media. Twitter, for instance, is just a nasty, vile place. People just don’t care what they say. And, they’re completely stuck in their thoughts and ideas. They don’t want to look objectively at someone else’s opinion. They just don’t care. It’s not only a sick way of handling yourself but an unhealthy one for those being interacted with.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of it. We’ve all allowed ourselves to be duped by these filters people are using. We’ve all been led to think this is how the other people actually live.

Take it for whatever you wish, but this is why I say social media and reality TV is toxic.

Our time is precious. So, we shouldn’t waste our time with substandard stuff. You know. Stuff like podcasts.

I’ll admit… that was hard to even get my fingers to type! Even the thought of podcasts being a waste of time is nonsensical to a person like myself. Considering I’ve spent a considerable about of money and time to produce a podcast. I’ve even delved into the video side of the podcast production.

But, at its core, podcasts are nothing more than old-timey radio 2.0. Argue that fact all you wish, but it’s true.

Just as the radio did to newspapers – You remember when newspapers said the radio would flop? Sure, I have no idea as I’m too young to have been around, but I did read it on the interwebs so it must have some merit. – and the television killed the radio star. Times change. Some people, however, don’t.

They get stuck thinking that their little world of how they see and experience things is the only way it should be. Case in point was a post I read that caught my attention titled: “Are podcasts killing music or just wasting our time?“

If you have enough time to take out of your day to read something this long – when I printed it out it came out on five sheets of paper – you’ll quickly come to the understanding that this author, not only likes the sound of his own words, but that he likes to write.

Don’t get me wrong. I can enjoy a person who has their way with words and in their ability to craft those words into sentences and structure it in such a way that captures a reader. But where I get lost? I get lost when the writer drones on and on with the hopes of dragging the reader down into a pit with them hoping on all hopes that they will finally give in and accept their argument.

Now, before I lose you, I want to touch on this post I read about if podcasts are killing music or if they are just wasting our time. Let’s dig in. Shall we?

I completely understand the author wondering if music is in a death spiral. But, it’s NOT due to podcasts. It’s because of the interwebs. It’s much easier for people to post their music today than it was in the glory years of arena rock. Today, you don’t need a record label to get your music heard. You just need access to the interwebs.

Much like writing, and music… podcasts are, dare I say, subjective. If you don’t like one, it doesn’t mean that all podcasts are a waste of time. It just means you didn’t like that one. I do NOT like AC/DC. So, if we accept this concept, then we can assume that all music is bad. But that just isn’t so! As the author suggests, there is just so much music out there to comb through and listen to and explore.

The same can be said about podcasts. If you have an interest in politics. There’s a podcast for that. If you like powerlifting. There’s a podcast for that. If you enjoy writing. You guessed it. There’s a podcast for it. Heck, there’s even podcasts about high-level astrophysics.

I think what the author is missing is that podcasts aren’t really different that words on paper or a screen. As a writer takes their reader on a journey with their carefully crafted words and phrases, so does a podcaster as they carefully control their speech cadence and intonation.

I think if I wanted to sum up my answer to the author’s post on whether podcasts are killing music or wasting our time is this: No. Only if you let it.

Now, I’ll admit I am struggling with one thing as I conclude this… Do I turn this post/response into a podcast episode or just leave it be?

I’m gonna start this by saying that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with masculinity. Masculinity is not toxic. If anything, the thing that is most toxic to masculinity is feminism.

Sure, there are men who are toxic to masculinity. There are toxic people anywhere and in anything.

Now, as I get ready to share the idea that I originally wanted to start with, I would like you to know that I in no way see myself as the lead source on masculinity. There are a host of others far more qualified to discuss the topic. I’m just a gentleman with an opinion and an affinity to share some of my thoughts and life experiences.

So here goes…

I just got done reading a really good book by John Eldredge titled Wild at Heart. In this book, John laid out the idea that boys/men require three basic things: a challenge, a beauty, and an adventure.

It hit me as I was thinking about something that happened to me earlier today, that this is as simple as the ABC’s of masculinity.

A = Adventure 

B = Beauty

C = Challenge

For the sake of this post, I’d like to focus on the B of the ABC’s. Beauty.

I’ll admit there is some level of adventure and challenge required to capture your beauty. Now, I’ve been married for 22 years, so it would be easy to admit that I’ve already ‘captured’ my beauty.

But, have I?

I challenged myself to confront this today while chatting with my wife. You see, we were getting ready for the day, and I was doing something or saying something – I don’t remember what it was – which sparked her to say that I already got her.

I proceeded to inform her that my chase isn’t over to win her.

That chase and desire to win her over started in 9th grade at a Valentine’s Day dance. From the moment I saw her, I knew she was the one. I started my conquest if you will. Heck, I didn’t even tell her my name in the hope it would cause her to chase me.

That plan didn’t entirely work. From what she tells me, she asked one of here friends later that night about me. What I’m also not sure of is if I stayed on her mind as she did mine.

So, I did what I had to do so she would see me around. Again, trying to do so to create a bit of mystique so she would pursue me.

Eventually, we began talking, and within a few weeks, I asked her out.

I was devastated when she turned me down. The first time that is. I didn’t give up! I asked her a second time a few days later, and she said yes this time.

And, we’ve been together ever since.

Whether it was a joke or not, as seniors, we were voted ‘Most Likely to Live Happily Ever After”.

From that moment, I decided to take it seriously. I decided to make my princess feel like her life was that of a fairy tale.

Am I confident that my chase is over? Again, we’ve been married for 22 years and together for 25. That’s more than half our lives right now. No! That chase is never going to end.

I will continue to chase her every day. I will make it my mission to make her know how special she is. To know how much loved she is. To make her laugh.

Every day is a new challenge and adventure. Knowing I have a beauty to chase as well brings a new level of excitement to all of it.