Miscellaneous

We all experience changes in our lives. Some good. Some bad. Some we expect. Some we don’t. But, we ALL have things in our lives that change.

The other side of change is what happens to us. We grow. All of us. Each one of us is impacted in one way or another by a change. But, it’s ALL about how we react to the changes that help us grow in good or bad ways.

Change brings growth and that growth brings more change and so on and so on.

It’s a continuous cycle.

We can look at this is one of two ways: Good or Bad.

It’s up to you! How do you want to view the changes in your life? Do you want to grow in positive ways? Or, would you be satisfied with becoming a more negative person?

It doesn’t, or at least it shouldn’t matter whether the change is planned or unexpected. You should always embrace it.

Speaking from personal experiences, at first it may not seem like the change was intended for you. It may seem like it’s meant for someone else to benefit from your changes. But, the more time you allow the change to take place, you will come to realize it was for you all along.

So, despite whether the changes that are happening around you, both in and out of your control, know that you will grow from it. Know that others around you will grow from it as well.

The more you grow, the more changes you can expect. Which, in turn, will bring more change. Embrace it!

My mind is racing as I stare at the blank screen. Before I flipped open the laptop, I thought I had an idea of what I wanted to say. However, now that the cursor blinks, I’m not sure where to begin. So…

Would it not be nice to flip open a person’s head to get a real sense of what’s really going on? I sure wish I could. I mean, heck, the first one I’d like to take a look into would be my own. I honestly don’t understand how I’m able to function at times. Seriously, there’s some crazy stuff happening up there. It’s almost like there are a few wires missing, and the ones that are still there aren’t even connected to the right place. Where to even begin can prove to be a challenge.

Speaking of starting… I had high hopes at the start of the year. I really did. I even put them out for all to see. Some of them I’ve even been able to accomplish. Others, yeah, I have no idea how I’ll be able to make them happen. But, right now, I do not intend on giving up.

Maybe that’s the problem. I feel like I’ve given up. Quit. On you. On myself. I feel like I’ve failed you. Even worse, I feel like I’ve failed myself. I bailed out of the boat and the stupid thing was just pushing off from the dock. UGH! Why? Well, I’ve asked myself that same, simple question over and over and over again. No. I have yet to come to an acceptable conclusion. Sure, anxiety kicked in. Sure, depression is a nasty and ugly animal that comes out to play at the worst possible time. Sure, you put a lot on your plate to try and accomplish. Do I have control over all of those, and more? NO. Note at all. Is it possible to push through? I honestly don’t think so.

But…

Back to feeling like I’ve let so many people down. Truth be told, maybe the number of people isn’t as many as I think it is. But, nonetheless, I still feel like I’ve let many people down. I feel like I quit on them. I feel like I’ve failed them. Have I? That’s for them, you to decide. These are my feelings and I’ll cry if I want to. (Sorry. I broke out in song for a second. Are you starting to see the crossed wires upstairs yet? Then again, maybe that’s why you’ve stuck around as long as you have.)

The show was fun while it lasted. That didn’t come out quite like I intended it to. The show was fun. I had a blast. Most of the time. Truth is, there’s a LOT of work that goes into putting one together. But, also, maybe the timing just isn’t right. While mediocre shows flourish, others get lost in the ocean of talkers. When you feel like you’re doing all the right things. Putting in the hard work of trying to put together a quality show. With production and graphics and all the other stuff that goes into it… and when you see others doing more with far less, it can take a toll. Yeah, I know, I’m not supposed to pay attention to them. Focus only on what I can do. Right now, most of the time, I don’t even know what that means anymore.

FACT: The Stafford Voice has been around for 10 years! Most of you may not have even known that. And, it keeps going on and trying to move forward. What lies in store for the near future? Fun and exciting things I hope. But, it requires learning new things. Skills you could say. (Oh, that was a hint. Think you know what I’ve got working in my wittle brain? Guess again!)

It’s all in the process. I love the process. The creation process. It’s beyond awesome to see something go from a simple thought to a finished piece. Whatever it is. Music. Moving pictures. Sound. Products. Everyday things most people take for granted, I look at with a creative eye and/or ear. I can’t even watch a movie without trying to figure out how they put together that shot for the scene. Or how the composer put together the score. Or how the writer got started writing. Or how they built the set and props. Don’t even get me started on the editing of it all. Are you starting to see that there’s a much bigger picture to everything?

Here’s the picture of what’s happening right now: The wonders of modern technology in the form of an Amazon Echo is connected to the internet and playing classical music. All the while, I sit on the modern convenience of the reclining couch with a laptop typing out my thoughts. To one side is a magic little device called an iPhone that dings every few seconds with the dings of social media and email apps. To the other side, is an assortment of books. But not just any old books. They are labors of love gifted to us by the various authors. Now then, let us not forget, that’s just the right here right now. I didn’t even get into the lights, and electricity, and running water, air conditioning, hum of the refrigerator, and on and on and on. There is ALWAYS a bigger picture.

Okay, after all of that, I think I’ve officially lost it. I completely lost where I was.

Oh yeah, the process. I love the process of creating. Only one problem. I’m NOT creating enough. Documenting as some would say. Document the process of creating. Meh… that’s something for another time.

I think I’m sufficiently tired enough to attempt to take some rest.

The end of one year always brings excitement and optimism for the next. And, as 2017 came to a close, I couldn’t wait to get 2018 started. I already had big plans in the works that would immediately take effect on Jan. 1, 2018. In fact, it was the last goal I had for 2017. Now that it’s checked off the list, it is time to get to work on a new list.

I’ll get to the list in just a second. An, before I do, I want you to know that some of these goals I have set for myself appear kind of silly. Like setting a goal of increasing the amount of Twitter followers. But, it isn’t about the number per say; it’s about cultivating connections and relationships.

Alright, so, here goes. What you are about to read is my actual list of goals I have set for 2018 and with your help and encouragement, I hope to report at the end of the year I was able to check off everything and more.

 

PERSONAL

• Read 12 Personal Growth books
• Read 6 books together with Roxanne
• Read 3 mindless/free time books
• Improve my relationship with Daniel
• Improve my relationship with Dad
• Go on a campout
• Take a vacation
• Run a 5k in under 30 minutes
• Maintain a bodyweight under 190 lbs
• Do a handstand

THE STAFFORD VOICE

• Twitter: 2000+ followers
• Facebook: 500+ followers
• Instagram: 300+ followers
• Youtube: 100+ subscribers
• Increase podcast subscribers
• Increase engagement across social media
• Triple average show views
• Send out 6 newsletters
• Post at least 2 times a week
• Have a contributor post
• Re-design website by end of March
• 2 show sponsors

OL 76 SUPPLY CO.

• Launch website on Jan. 1, 2018
• Operate in the green by end of June
• $2500 in sales for the year
• Introduce a new product within the first 90 days
• Introduce another product within the first 120 days

 

Now that I’ve shared mine, what are some of your goals? Can I help you turn your goals into celebrations?

From us to you, Happy Thanksgiving!

We have a very long list of things which we are thankful for, including you. And, while we know we missed naming many of you, and some of your names escaped us, we want you to know how much each of you has blessed our lives this year and just how thankful we are to each of you.

Thank you and may the Lord continue to bless you and your families each and every day.

After many long months, we can finally say we are officially grandparents! Finally, Mr. Gavin Edward Stafford is here.

Stats:

• Born: August 4, 2017
• Time: 15:21
• Weight: 7 lbs 12 oz
• Length: 20.5 inches

So, let me recap real quick like. Yeah, okay, we waited 9 long months. But, the closer this day got, the longer the days seemed to be and the longer the minutes and seconds seemed to tick by.

Our daughter-in-law was admitted the night before with the expectation that they would begin inducing delivery the following morning. About an hour before the scheduled time, her water broke and she began dilating roughly 1 cm an hour. Once she got around a 6… she was at a 10 and ready to begin pushing within an hour or so.

We walked into the room with seconds to spare to say we made it and to wish them good luck before the doctors and nurses shut us out. Now, it became the dreaded waiting game.

It seemed like time stood still. We kept checking the clock, only to find out it had just been a few minutes since our last time check. When we made it to the end of the first hour of waiting, we realized that this might just take a while. So, we kicked back and tried to relax the best we could.

Three hours later. YES! THREE. HOURS. LATER.

We finally got a text message from our son saying he was here and they were getting things cleaned up so we could come in.

Let me just say this: The anticipation. The excitement. The stress. The anxiety. The, all the other myriad of emotions running through our minds… when our son emerged from the corner to greet us, was one of the most amazing feelings we will never forget.

It’s a pivotal moment in a person when they finally start to put all the puzzle pieces together from their life and realize and understand things from a whole new perspective.

I remember at one point saying enough was enough and to take us to introduce us to his son, our grandson.

The moment we got to lay eyes on Gavin for the first time was truly a gift from God! God opened the heavens for a split second and allowed us a quick glimpse. And, all we can say? WOW! Just, Amazing!

I remember the first time I got to lay eyes on our son, Daniel. It broke me. I was in awe! And, when you get to set that feeling in your own child, it will have the same effect. Being able to hold your little one for the first time. Watching your child hold their child for the first time. Truly an amazing experience we’ll NEVER forget.

It is just so damn cool to be a small part of an in God’s creation. I know understand more fully the scripture that says we are all made in the image of God.

Wow. Just… WOW!

The following is a transcript of a talk I gave during church service.

I was digging around the other day and found what I thought was an old journal entry that shed a little light on something I was having trouble understanding. I wasn’t able to figure out the exact date, and the name was smeared like it got wet or something. But, from what I was able to make out, it read something like this:

“Things really seem to be coming together. I’ll say, even though I’m not 100% on board with what he says will happen, he assures me that there’s enough room and everything will be okay. It still sounds a little crazy to me, but, yeah, sure, there’s a little part of me that believes him. I don’t know why. I just do. Does that make me a little crazy? Okay, yeah, just a little bit. Now, when the time is right, I’ll go with him and all his other friends. Here’s where this whole thing gets really crazy. He doesn’t even know exactly when, but, he has assured me that I’ll know when the time is right. I’ll admit, I was a little hesitant to accept such a strange, off the wall offer because, aside from just not being all there upstairs, it doesn’t seem like he thought this thing through. He says we’re going somewhere kind of special but doesn’t know where it is we’re going or even how long we’ll be gone. Which is part of why I’m a little scared. The other reason? I don’t like the dark. But, he said he’s got a plan. I turned to him the other day and made mention again that I’m not a big fan of the dark. I even asked him what he planned to do about it. That’s when Noah turned to me and said he’s gonna bring some flood lights.”

Brothers and Sisters, I am humbled to be talking to you today about setting our fears aside and simply just believing.

Yeah, sure, that’s easier than it sounds. It almost reminds me of an old song called, “Don’t worry, Be happy”. However, the message is the same: Fear Not, Only Believe.

Fear. We all have fears. But, what are we doing with our fears? Are we being manipulated, or even motivated by them?

For a long time now, fear has been used as a way to get people to do things. People in marketing do this all the time. Subaru, in a nutshell, says that if you buy their car and get into a really bad accident, you’ll live. Anti-smoking and anti-drug campaigns, “This is your brain… this is your brain on drugs.” You get the picture. Fear can sometimes get us to take action.

On the flip side, we sometimes employ fear as a tool. Parents, you know what I’m talking about here. We “motivate” our kids to get their homework done, chores checked off, scriptures studied, and so on and so on. And we do it, scaring them into getting these things done out of fear that we’ll take away their most prized possessions; their cell phones, fidget spinners, and video games.

There is one major problem with fear though. It seldom, if ever, produces real change.

In his April 2017, General Conference address, President Uchtdorf said:

“It is true that fear can have a powerful influence over our actions and behavior. But that influence tends to be temporary and shallow. Fear rarely has the power to change our hearts, and it will never transform us into people who love what is right and who want to obey Heavenly Father.

“People who are fearful may say and do the right things, but they do not feel the right things.”

Let us remember, God knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts.

We should also remember what 2 Nephi 9:39 says that “to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal.”

This can be viewed as a map, if you will, that will help guide us to a better way.

When we focus on the things and fears of the world, we dismiss the truth that we really have nothing to fear. God doesn’t want us to fear. This is fairly evident in Isaiah 41:10 which says, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee.”

God, like Nationwide, is on our side. Allow me to echo what Uchtdorf said, “He loves us, and when we stumble, He wants us to rise up, try again, and become stronger.”

God is our ultimate motivator!

We also need to remember something else. That is, to coin a military phrase: He’s got our 6.

That should give us all the strength we ever need. In the military, when someone says they got your 6, it means they’re covering your rear sector. We can only see so much, and in the heat of the battle, much like life, we can’t always see everything that’s happening around us. So, someone will cover your blind spots per say. That’s where our Heavenly Father comes in. He’s got our back!

That’s not to say he’s our tour guide. That would kind of go against how things work. He’s not to make our choices for us. If that was the case, why would he give us our agency?

Think about it for a second. How many times have you been on vacation, and were doing some sort of activity where a tour guide was necessary?

I can think of two that, as a scout leader, we needed a guide! Without one, I’m not so certain we would have made it out alive.

On one instance, we went on a wild cave exploration. We had to suit up with pads and helmets to protect ourselves if we were to fall. We were even equipped with lights to help us see where we were going. Up front, ahead of us all was our tour guide. He showed us how to climb over and through things, knowing exactly which way was the safest. He gave no room for error.

The second time we had a guide was when we went white water rafting through the Royal Gorge. This time, things were a little different. Yeah, we had a guide, but this time, our guide was behind us, in the back of the raft. It was by design, as he was the one who would help steer, but it was different. Rather than being out front having us follow each of his steps precisely, this guide helped aid us and point us in the right direction. If we made a mistake, they would help steer us to safety.

Rather than protect us from falling like the cave guide, we were allowed room to make mistakes. Which, in turn, would give us the opportunity to learn from them and, hopefully, try not to make them again.

Yes. You could say fear was being used as a little motivator in both of these situations.

In the first, we were given tools that would help protect us from getting hurt and a guide that, if we followed his every move, would make sure we wouldn’t get hurt or lost.

In the second, we had someone experienced with us helping to guide us and steer us through the rapids. I’m pretty sure some of the youth thought our mistakes would lead us to certain death at the time.

God works much like both of these two examples. He has given us all the necessary tools so that we should not fear.

Satan, well, he just loves himself some fear. He uses our fears, our anxieties, against us in order to manipulate us. He helps us dwell on, even exaggerating the evil in the world.

God, on the other hand, reminds us many times throughout the scriptures to “be not afraid,” to “be of good cheer,” and to “fear not.” In 2 Timothy 1:7 it says, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

He hasn’t given us fear, Satan has. And, I’ll say, he’s given us plenty of things and evils of the world to be fearful of. We are, therefore, to have faith and trust in God to help us overcome those fears.

Uchtdorf says, “We are, therefore, not ignorant of the challenges of the world, nor are we unaware of the difficulties of our times. But this does not mean that we should burden ourselves or others with constant fear…. As His covenant people, we need not be paralyzed by fear because bad things might happen. Instead, we can move forward with faith, courage, determination, and trust in God as we approach the challenges and opportunities ahead.”

In my opinion, Deuteronomy 31:6 sums it up best:

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

Remember, He’s got our 6!

Which, should bring us comfort in the face of fear that “no weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper.” (Isaiah 54:17)

God has also promised that “All things shall work together for your good if [you] walk uprightly.” (D&C 90:24)

For me, it’s that key word in there that says “if”. It says nothing in there about crawling over and cowering in the corner out of fear. It says “if [we] walk uprightly”. I’ll take that as an order to stand tall and stand proud knowing Heavenly Father has our back.

He’s proven that to us by showing how much he loves us. So much so in fact that he sent His only begotten Son.

It’s His example that gives us the model to replace fear with faith.

Uchtdorf reminds us, “if we ever find ourselves living in fear or anxiety, or if we ever find that our own words, attitudes, or actions are causing fear in others, I pray with all the strength of my soul that we may become liberated from this fear by the divinely appointed antidote to fear: the pure love of Christ, for “perfect love casteth out fear (1 John 4:18).”

And, he continues by saying, “Christ’s perfect love gives us the confidence to press through our fears and place our complete trust in the power and goodness of our Heavenly Father and of His Son, Jesus Christ.”

The challenge then becomes to “replace fear with Christ’s perfect love. [As] Christ’s love will replace fear with faith!”

He knows us. He loves us. He knows what lies ahead in our future. He has given us all the tools and resources necessary to overcome fear and replace it with faith so that one day we may return to him once more.

Brothers and Sisters, may we head to the words of Christ when he said, “Be not afraid, only believe.” (Mark 5:36) This I say in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Allow me to make a confession of sorts. We like going to the bookstore. Almost to a fault. And when I say that, we really like going to the bookstore. So much so that, even though we’re sure there was a long list of things to do and places to go and see, we looked at each other and said, ‘Let’s just go to the bookstore.’

Where’s this coming from?

We spent our Saturday bookstore hoping. Sad, I know. But we did stuff between stops if that helps.

I went for a bike ride while she stayed home and worked on picking up the house.

Before and after that, yes, we went to the bookstore. No, not the same one. Two completely different types offering two completely different experiences.

The first one we went to was your general run-of-the-mill bookstore. The kind you go into searching for just the right book to whisk you away into some fantasyland. Or just the right leadership book.

While we’re here, we tend to find it as a place of comfort. A thinking man’s safe place if you will.

The other bookstore we frequent is a Christian bookstore. I, we, never realized until now that this kind of bookstore makes us feel pretty inadequate.

I’ll explain.

How could a Christian bookstore make anyone feel inadequate? When was the last time you went to one would be my response? Honestly? Picture if you will, an entire section devoted to telling you how to be a better father or mother. The father section was only a fraction of the size for the mother section.

This begs a whole list of other questions to be asked. Mostly, what are we telling mothers?! You’re doing it wrong and if you buy this book or that book you can be a better mom? And the same could be said about fathers.

I get it, Christ was perfect and we are imperfect. We’re full of imperfections!

What about a section devoted to telling you your marriage is failing but that it can be saved if you buy a couple of books to help get you on the right path? You guessed it, there’s an entire section for that too! What message are we telling married couples?

Need a book on how to pray properly? You’ll find it. Need one on gospel cooking? Yep, it’s there too.

Needless to say, once we realized our thought process while perusing the racks, we realized just how comical it was. By the time we were ready to leave, we were laughing at many of the titles. We were even asking one another if we needed this one or that one.

Side note: As I was writing this, I realized that Christian bookstores are the equivalent of WebMD. If you think you have a problem then you could have this or that or even this and that! And, yes, we’ll still continue to go because there are some good reads to be found.

Admittedly, we’ve had a lot of rain over the last few days here in the Kansas City area. And, to be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to get in a ride at all this weekend. So, when I checked the trail status and it said WYCO was a go, I loaded up the bike and gear and headed out.

My goal was simple. Just make it out alive. LOL! Seriously though, I just wanted to have some fun and unwind for a few.

During the time I was riding, I was thinking about something that was said to me, I think, last week. And the topic was…

Drum roll please…

BALANCE

He was talking about the need of having balance in life. And, as always, this got me thinking.

Riding a bike takes a great deal of balance. Something I have yet to master!

Okay… side note before I forget. I had already passed the halfway point of the ride, so I packed up some of my gear, downed a bit of strawberry lemonade, and was in the process of making my way back to where I had started. The trail was a bit slick from a bit of rain the night previous. The rocks and tree roots? Well, let’s just say they get greasy when your tires are wet. Okay, so I was trying to climb a little hill and my rear tire got hung up on a rock and all forward momentum had ceased to exist. At this point, everything started to move in slow motion. Heck, I couldn’t even get my feet off the pedals to catch myself. The next thing I know, as I’m making my way to the ground all the while, literally, laughing out loud, all I could think was how I had WISHED the camera was on so I could show my epic fail to everyone. All I could do was laugh! 

Now, where were we?

Riding a bike takes a great deal of balance. And, obviously, I still have yet to master it.

Life, also, needs balance. You need to be balanced in your work, your play, your family life, and even spiritually. You need to have balance in all of these areas in your life.

Will there be balance 100% of the time in 100% of these areas and more? No, not at all. It takes effort.

Sure, it’s easy to give up when things get hard. Trust me, on a bike, it’s easy to stop, get off, and walk around an obstacle. But, in life, that’s not how any of this works.

You’re gonna have bad days. And, you’ll certainly have good days. But, if you want to try and minimize the bad days, as well as some of the days in between… you’re gonna need some balance.

Make the effort to find some level of balance in your life right now. It won’t take much to get started. What are you waiting for? Go find some balance!

We all tend to be a kid at heart, and for some of us, we will never grow up. Yeah, sure, I’m speaking of myself here. But, with a recent mountain bike ride, I learned a few things.

I feel like I need to give you some of the back story.

This ride was a few weeks in the making. The first week, I loaded up the bike and made my way to a local trail. It’s pretty close to the house and it’s a beginner type trail. So it was gonna be the one I wanted to start with. What happened? I got there and the gate to the trail was closed. It rained pretty good a few days earlier, so I accepted defeat and stayed on the paved trail. Still, it was a good ride.

Fast forward a week, and I thought to myself that this was definitely gonna be the day I can finally hit some trails. What happened this time? Rain. Again. For two days it rained a few inches, but I thought I was still gonna be able to get it done as it was warm and sunny for the two days leading up to the day. Yeah right! The bike gods were not in favor of me hitting the trails.

I was beginning to think they didn’t want me on a trail ever and that they only wanted me to stick to the paved ones. But… I was pretty determined to prove them wrong.

That pretty much catches us up.

Now, leading up to this ride, I wanted to keep myself accountable so I wouldn’t chicken out or something. And, I checked the weather multiple times a day all week hoping I would be given the all clear. I also kept my eyes on a local twitter account that posts the status of each trail in the area. They had given the all clear. The weather gave an all clear. So, what could go wrong?

Nothing! This time… nothing.

I loaded up the bike and my gear and hit the road heading straight for the trails. On the way there, I got a call from a friend that said he was there waiting and couldn’t wait to hit the trails.

Everything was finally lined up!

We unloaded our bikes and geared up and quickly made our way to the trailhead.

I remember thinking to myself that this was finally happening. And, now that it was, my mind was free to think without distraction.

Except for the quickly approaching turns and rocks and trees.

As I was thinking, I realized that this was a learning moment. Here’s what I learned:

Have confidence!

I’ll admit, I’m not the most confident person I know. But one thing I learned while out on this ride is that I can. I can do things, but it comes with a bit of a caveat, and admittedly another lesson learned.

Just do!

You can be one of two people. The person sitting at home bing watching Netflix, or you can be that person that goes out and does stuff. Whatever it is, just go do it. It doesn’t always have to be something on a bucket list. It can be something as simple as bird watching. Whatever, without excuse, just go do it.

The last thing I learned is probably the most important thing. And that is: We are in our own race. 

My friend that I was riding with was worried he wouldn’t be able to keep up with me. Or that he would struggle with certain obstacles he might come across. I kept telling him the entire time that it was his ride, not to worry about me. It was his ride and that he didn’t have to keep up with me.

Too often I see people trying to “keep up with the Jones'”. That’s not how we should be at all. Each day that passes is an opportunity to be the best version of us that we can be. You can’t accomplish that at all if you’re trying to keep up with the person next to you.

In closing, remember: Have confidence in yourself in whatever you do, and whenever you do go and do, it’s your race and your race only.