The Stafford Voice

Our little place to talk about and share about life.

Daniel

A Note to Our Readers

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I’m going to admit this right at the start. This is the third or fourth time I’ve tried to write this. That’s right. I’ve typed this out a few times only to have selected all and hit delete. The only logical reason I can come up with is that I just want it to be perfect.

Here’s the real truth: It will NEVER be perfect!

So, I’m just going to hammer this out real quick and try not to look back.

About two years ago, life threw us a few curve balls. Add to that, I got tired and stressed out trying to keep up with the website, the podcast, the video production, and everything else that was on my plate. I kept allowing people to add things to my load without ever learning how to say no. I had to do something about it, so we put everything on pause.

Sporadically I would post things about everyday things that more and more people could relate to. This became a bit of a creative release for me.

I love to create. The entire process of starting with nothing and creating something. It doesn’t matter if it’s just words on a screen or paint on a canvas. I like to do it.

Let’s just cut to the chase!

Going forward, this will be a placeholder for things of life. It will be somewhat of a journal of life.

With that, here’s to the next chapter.

Digital Detox

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The last 60-90 days have been quite the roller coaster thanks to the whole Covid-19 pandemic. Businesses locked their doors. People were issued stay-at-home orders. Extroverts were forced to live like an introvert. About the only ways people could socialize was through social media or through video chats.

I’m not happy to admit that I spent what I would consider too much time scrolling around on social media. Now, I’m not the type to comment or say a lot on there anyway, but I did spend a little extra time than normal scrolling through people watching. (Yes, I know that sounds borderline creepy.)

As I was noticing this about my change in habits, I decided what I need is a digital detox. So, for the next 30 or so days, I’m going to step away from social media and some news sites. Anything that I do share will be done so automatically, or because I saw an article from a self-approved news site and sent it to Twitter in order to come back to when I’ve completed my digital detox.

So, by now, I’m sure you’re wondering how I’ll spend my newly found time? Here are the four things I’ll be shifting my time to:

  1. Reading
  2. Writing
  3. Art
  4. Self

Reading

I already spend a bit of my time reading, however, I’ve noticed myself reaching for my phone more and more rather than a book. As a way to make myself more accountable, my wife and I have decided to read and discuss a book together. We’ve done this in the past, and we really enjoyed it. This time we’ll be reading 10% Happier by Dan Harris. We’ve had these sitting on our shelf for a few months now, and what better way to spend your digital detox than reading about how to reduce stress?

Writing

About a month ago, I started a writing project that I would really like to see through to the end. Every writing project I’ve ever started, I ran into a snag or something else got in the way and I either got bored with it or completely trashed it. I really would like to finish this one. I’ve made it further with this one so far than I have with any of the other ones. So, I’m going to really try and spend 5 minutes at a minimum on it daily.

Art

There are some mediums out there that I’ve just never quite been comfortable with or that I’ve wanted to try out to see what they do. So, I picked up a few things at the art store to kickstart my curiosity. Maybe, when I’ve completed my digital detox, I’ll share some of what I “created”.

Self

This is the biggest area I’m going to spend my time on. I noticed that I’ve been just going through motions lately on some things without really being aware. This is probably the single biggest reason for doing this digital detox! I need to spend some quality time healing my body and clearing my mind. To do so, I’m going to shift my focus in the gym to that of recovery movements. I’m going to spend a little time doing yoga. Lastly, one of the things I really want to do is spend time each day in meditation.

So, there it is. My blueprint for a digital detox over the next 30 or so days.

Oh, and one last thing: I’m going to try and get better at journaling and posting on a more frequent basis.

How much sleep do you REALLY need?

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Do you struggle with just how much sleep you need each night? Maybe you find that it’s keeping you up? Are you getting enough? Or maybe too much?

Who REALLY knows?

Well, come to find out, researchers from the National Sleep Foundation conducted a two-year study. In this study, that magic number is between seven and nine hours for most adults.

It’s even noted that, as our bodies age, the amount of sleep one needs changes.

  • NEWBORNS: 14-17 hours
  • INFANTS: 12-15 hours
  • TODDLERS: 11-14 hours
  • PRESCHOOLERS: 10-13 hours
  • ELEMENTARY SCHOOLERS: 9-11 hours
  • TEENAGERS: 8-10 hours
  • YOUNG ADULTS TO ADULTS: 7-9 hours
  • OLDER ADULTS: 7-8 hours

Now, you do need to accept that everyone is different. And, it’s also worth noting that there are a handful of sleep disorders out there preventing you from getting either the right amount of sleep or just plain not being able to.

Forget about trying to “catch up” on sleep because that’s just a myth.

One idea of thought is to just be as consistent with your routine and schedule as you can. Don’t stay up late one night and go to bed early the next. You’re just setting yourself up for failure.

And, when it comes to getting the right amount of sleep for you… sleep for as long as your mind and body needs.

Speaking for myself, I don’t require a lot of sleep. I find that I do best when I’m in the area of 5-6 hours a night.

Brains turned to glass? Just how hot was the Mount Vesuvius eruption?

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Fragment of glassy black material found in the skull of a victim of Mount Vesuvius. –
 Petrone et al./NEJM

Anything that has the ability to cause the average global temperature to go up instantly, is something worth noting. And that’s just what happened when Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79 CE.

There has been some new research come out about just how hot it may have been. In a new short paper in the New England Journal of Medicine, some 100 skeletons that had been excavated were closely examined revealed that one particular victim’s brain matter had been vitrified, i.e., fused into glass.

Usually, according to the authors, such brain matter would be “saponified” by the extreme heat—that is, it turned to soap (glycerol and fatty acids).

While not everyone agrees with the findings in the paper, we do know one thing: Mount Vesuvius was HOT!

Interested in learning more be sure to check out: ars Technica for more.

Do you know who you are?

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It’s a question I think many people think about at least a few times in their lives. For me, it seems like it’s always something I think about. I constantly want to know how I can be better, or do more, or whatever. 

Here is a little of the backstory…

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine suggested I take one of those silly tests about your personality. I think the one he referred me to was at 16Personalities.com (If you’ve never taken a test like this, it can be rather eye-opening for you and those around you. Best yet, this one is FREE!)

I took it and was not really surprised at what my result was. I was and am one of the more rare types. I’m an INFJ.

What did surprise me about taking this was what it said about me. As I was reading more about what an INFJ person is, I was sharing it with my friend. All he kept doing was nodding his head in agreement. Either he knows me really well or someone has been following me around for a lot of years compiling data and put it together in a very condensed form and tipped off my friend to check it out. I kept thinking to myself how accurate this thing was.

Intrigued, and true to being an INFJ, I wanted to know more. So, what did I do? Validate the results. I found another personality test, took it and came back with the same results.

Still somewhat skeptical, I had this friend of mine take the test and answer the questions as he perceived me to be. Results? Hide the kids in the room because HOLY SH!T it was the same thing. 

Having enough proof or validation, I decided to dig a little deeper into more about being an INFJ.

I asked myself a handful of questions like:

  • What makes an INJF happy?
  • What upsets an INFJ?
  • What are things an INFJ likes to do?

INFJ people tend to spend a lot of time in their own heads thinking and pondering about things. This was one of those times!

All through my life, I’ve had people tell me I was intimidating or unapproachable. Or I just don’t look happy. Or I’m this or that. So, I decided that maybe I would try and be more open about this and what makes me tick. All in the hopes that the people around me understand me a little better so that my own little world becomes a much more pleasant place to be.

Here’s a video that might give you some insight:

I’M AN INTROVERT… so, you’re just gonna have to deal with it.

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The title and lead image say just about all that needs to be said. I’m an introvert and you’re just gonna have to deal with it. Oh, and yes… Ugh, People!

Sounds a tad bit harsh. I know. And, I get it. Trust me, I’ve thought about it enough already.

That’s something introverts just tend to do. They think. A lot! While extroverts spend their time outside of their own minds, introverts tend to spend the majority of their time in their own heads. Thinking about anything and everything. It doesn’t mean they’re shy at all. Just that they would rather be alone with their thoughts.

For some of who are introverts, this can be somewhat conflicting. Myself, I deal with anxiety and depression which can be very frustrating. Caught up in my own thoughts can be like an elevator ride on a downward spiral. The internal struggle with trying to clear out dark thoughts only gets clouded over with more dark thoughts, and at times, even darker thoughts. And, it’s times like this where the best thing you can do for someone like me, is to just let me be. Let me recharge!

We all have our own ways to recharge. As for me and myself? Well, we like to stay home and set all the locks on the doors. Again, harsh. But, I need you to understand that – how can I say this without sounding too harsh again? – it’s just not mentally healthy for me to be in a socially charged atmosphere to recharge.

As a matter of fact, it’s even more draining than you realize to be in groups, small or large. It’s much more recharging mentally for me to be alone, or even one-on-one – as long as it’s with someone who’ve I’ve already accepted into my “inner social circle”.

But, hey, I am who I am and that’s all that I am.

The good thing is, I’m not alone in being an introvert. Despite making up 25-40% of the population, there are some pretty incredible people who are introverts:

  • Bill Gates (interesting sidenote about him is that he takes a week off from everything to unplug and recharge by going out by himself, alone, to a lakeside cabin to read and think – sounds spectacular if you ask me)
  • Eleanor Roosevelt (often quoted as saying: “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”)
  • Albert Einstein (arguably one of the most brilliant minds ever who said: “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”)
  • Mahatma Gandhi
  • Laura Bush
  • Warren Buffet

I could certainly add many more names to that list! Maybe even yours? One thing remains: there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert as long as you know how to really connect with us.

Here’s a look into what it’s like behind locked doors in our house:

If you knew you would die tomorrow, what would you change today?

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You’ve probably been asked that question before. Or, maybe something similar to it. I know I have. More than once. And, lately, I’ve given some time to really think about it.

It’s a fact of life. Death. We are ALL going to go at some point. There is absolutely no way to avoid it.

As I’ve spent the last few months pondering on this question, I’ve noticed something of those that are older than me. Actually, maybe a few things.

They’ve accepted it. The other thing is that they don’t focus on the end, but rather the here and now.

It isn’t something I feel that very many people my age understand quite yet. Maybe I’m just blind to it, but it sure seems that the majority of people are focused on the material things of the world instead of the things that matter the most.

Time. Memories. Moments. Whichever one you want to think of it as they all have the same central concept. They are the things that won’t fade away. That fancy car you drive? It will eventually rust and wither away into nothing. That house? With just one strong gust of wind, it can be transformed into a pile of rubble. Clothes? Shoes? Jewelry? All of it won’t mean a damn thing at the end of time for you.

When you’re sitting at the end of your life, you’re likely going to think of the people that have come and gone from your life. You’re likely to think about all the time you wasted.

So, ask yourself the question…

If you knew you would die tomorrow, what would you change today?

Would you apologize to someone?

Would you smile bigger?

Would you be thankful for each breath you took?

Would you pick your words more carefully?

Why wait until that day comes? We don’t know when it will happen. We just know it will. Make the change now!

Don’t question someone’s faith when they’re questioning it themselves.

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Skillet’s frontman John Cooper recently asked a very interesting question in which he responded in a lengthy Facebook post. He simply asked, “What in God’s name is happening in Christianity?”

Ok I’m saying it. Because it’s too important not to. What is happening in Christianity? More and more of our outspoken…

Posted by John L. Cooper on Tuesday, August 13, 2019

The question and post were in response to the news of former Hillsong worship leader Marty Sampson announced his faith is “on incredibly shaky ground.”

The short answer is that there isn’t anything wrong with Christianity at all. The problem lies in that there are people out there with a holier-than-thou attitude. Silently blasting someone who is looking inward and asking themselves very difficult questions regarding their faith should be celebrated. Not pointed at and said that they are the problem. 

In one sentence, Cooper said that he wasn’t judging anyone. In the next, he was saying that people should just be quiet and accept the ‘truth’ as it is. Personally, I have an issue with a few things Cooper said.

Before we take this any further, admittedly, I’ve done a great deal of introspection over the last few years. 

If anything, Cooper should applaud Sampson looking inward and evaluating whether he’s being true or not. 

Now, let’s circle back around to the main issue here. Cooper asked, “What is happening in Christianity?” 

The answer is simple: nothing different than has been happening since its inception. Christianity is the same today as it was yesterday and will continue to be the same tomorrow.

The problem is the people. 

People get ridiculed when they step back and look at themselves. They get told they’re being selfish. They get shunned. They get rejected. 

Truth be told, whether some people want to admit it or not, we ALL go through a time or two where we evaluate who we are. 

Far too many people today are lying to themselves about who they are in order to conform to the pressures of the happenings going on around them and in the world.

Therapy is Healthy

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The word therapy tends to take on a negative connotation. I’m not sure why. Could it be that we live in a world driven by likes and retweets on social media posts that only show the edited-best of oneself? Or could it just be that people tend to think therapy is reserved for only the craziest of crazy people?

I’d like to flip that for just a second! And, in doing so, it has really helped me shape a change in my thinking about what therapy is and just how healthy it is.

Let’s first take a short second to touch on what therapy is. Before you think I’m going to get all psycho-medical-geek on defining it, know that I’m not a medical professional of any sorts. I want to water it down so far that it takes on an over-generalizing meaning. So, here goes:

THERAPY is TREATMENT.

Simple and quick to the point! Again, in the broad sense of it, therapy is whatever form of treatment that works for YOU and you only. There are a lot of ways to go about therapy. Sure, you can go see a professional counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Heck, if you’re one of those types that talks to your animals – guilty of this myself – and that works, well, that works too.

What I’m trying to get at here is that who you see or what you do, just do something. Therapy isn’t only for crazy people! It’s for everyone. Myself included!

So, what do I do? I have found that I require a few different forms of therapy in my life to function at my best. If any one of these things gets out of alignment, I can almost set a countdown to the inevitable onslaught of feelings of anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other things.

I’ve always been a creative person. Even as a young kid, I was always creating! One of the stories that still brings about a smile is when I was only a few years old while attending day-care. I made friends with a little boy named Schaffer Stevenson, and we would always find ourselves living in our own little world. (Maybe this is why I feel so connected to the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip?)

Another form of therapy for me is art. I’m NO artist by any means! But, I don’t care. I still like to create art. I like to draw and paint. Painting is something I’ve just discovered I enjoy doing. As a matter of fact, the image used above is one of my recent paintings as is this one:

Weights. Usually my go-to when it comes to self-therapy. I lift weights daily. Sure, there are times where my body says to take a day off. And I listen. I’ve learned to listen to my body when it says it needs to rest. This has been one of the biggest takeaways from lifting weights; listen to your body. Doing so will help you know more about yourself than anything else you can do.

Lastly, people. Most importantly is my wife. I need her. She is an immense help to the balance and stability I need in my life. I’ll admit that I’m a bit of a hermit. I’m okay with being alone. I don’t need a lot of people around me. I don’t do well around certain people or certain types of people for that matter. However, there are those who help bring about the best in me. They are in a way, therapy for me.

Let me circle back around to the idea that therapy is healthy. It really is, and shame on anyone who tries to tell you you’re crazy for doing therapy. Remember, therapy in its simplest definition is treatment. There a many different ways to go about therapy. Find what works for you and do that.

Highs and Lows

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Call it whatever you want. The good and the bad. The ups and downs. The highs and lows. It really doesn’t matter. But, we all go through them.

And you know what? There really isn’t anything we can do about it.

The other day, we were out on date night or something and we were talking about some of the things we were each sorting out in our heads. Or at least trying to. I think we were doing more harm than good.

You see, the more we spend thinking and dwelling on things, the worse off they can be. We become our own worst enemies.

Social media doesn’t seem to be helping. It, too, does more harm than good!

It seems everyone uses social media as a highlight reel. Everything on the surface looks perfect. The kids look behaved. Marriages look like fairy tales. Cars. Fitness. Vacations. Whatever it is, it just looks better than whatever we’ve got. Don’t fib yourself. It’s what you’re thinking as you scroll through. Inside you’re shaking your head in agreement.

Know what else you’re probably thinking? I’m not worth it.

We ALL think this at some point. Some of us, myself included, go through it more often than we want to accept.

Now, let’s get real for a second. The majority of us, if not everyone, at some point thinks about suicide. This is actually one of the things we were talking about.

We were discussing how easy it is to fall to these lows, and how much harder it is to get out of them. We talked about how easy it is to accept suicide as a way to end it.

I’m not advocating suicide as a way to end your problems. If you are suicidal, PLEASE, I plead with you to seek help. If you think someone is suicidal, reach out to them and for them.

It was a deep conversation at the time, and one that should never be taken lightly. Just know that for many people, it is something that is talked about and thought about.

The advent of social media is putting a lot of undue stress, pressure, anxiety, and depression on people.

We have to accept that our highs will come with lows. And, when we are going through lows, there will be highs again. It’s extremely easy to feel like there isn’t anything you or anyone else can do to help.

Understand this: You’re not alone!